The Clues and Stages of Pain

Part Four – Stages of Pain

The pain you feel is not a random event. The life you live is not a product of chance. There exists a rhyme and reasonto it all.

I’d also like to say that in no way am I trying to oversimplify the very complex phenomenon of pain. Any particular pain can have multiple causes. I’m just trying to get to the very bottom of the pain; the root cause.

Working with the root cause is something you can do in addition to any other therapy or method or medication you may be taking.

The clues to healing your pain are found in the pain itself. Don’t look outside yourself for the answers. Look inside.

It’s time to return to a trusted advisor – your own heart.

You intuitively know the messsage of your pain. A part of your consciousness knows everything there is to know aboutany pain you feel.

Especially, it knows how to end that pain.

Unfortunately, pain separates you from everything, including that part of you which knows the answers. It’s a catch-22. As soon as you DO end the pain, then you will know HOW to end it!

So what’s the answer? First ‘bleed off’ enough of the pain so you can become clear enough and strong enough to end it.

Pain weakens you and makes it hard for you to act. It steals your power.

Even the pain you don’t know you have can stop you.

The problem is, we become ‘conditioned’ to pain, so we don’t even know it’s there. At best, we may treat the symptoms and hope it goes away.

When you’re in pain, the logical progression is that first you ignore it, then you deny it, then you mask it, and finally you numb yourself out from it.

Here are the clues that you are in pain: (as if you needed any!)

(1) you are drawn to violence, such as movies and car wrecks.

(2) you are drawn to sorrow, perhaps in real life or on TV.

(3) you have increasing levels of self-punishment, such as by being too hard on yourself.

(4) you start experiencing physical pain.

(5) you start having irrational anger and being short tempered.

(6) you start numbing yourself out from reality, blocking your thoughts and feelings, perhaps having excessive fatigue or insomnia.

(7) you start separating yourself from your world, a more severe extension of numbing yourself.

These seven stages of pain draw you in deeper and deeper, like a slippery slope. Once you get started, it’s hard to stop. Which level of pain are you in? How deep is your pain?

Another characteristic of pain is that it always hides behind a mask. It’s a way to hide the pain, and it’s a way to hide FROM the pain.

The first mask of pain is betrayal, feeling and being betrayed. Everyone has been betrayed, as it’s an essential part of growing up.

This occurs when your primary source of trust, security, and comfort is broken.

Everyone’s been ‘betrayed’ by mother or father. Essentially, mom or dad let you down when you found out they are human and not perfect.

If you didn’t resolve it, you are still carrying the pain around now. Have you consciously worked to resolve the pain of being betrayed by your parents or parenting figures?

Plus, you will continue the betrayal over and over, as you ‘project’ parent onto those around you, such as your boss or your spouse, creating situations where they betray you.

Are you projecting right now? How healthy are your various relationships?

Other masks of pain include:

loneliness (even when you are around others),

obsession with someone or something,

excessive pride,


depression, and finally

becoming a betrayer yourself.

Many people are at the stage where they’ve begun betraying other people, but very few would admit to the punishing, manipulating and hurting of others that betrayal entails.

If you secretly try to hurt others, it is certainly a sign that you’re in pain yourself.

Honesty – being honest with yourself – allows you the breathing room necessary to continue the journey out of pain.

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